WOW its been a while…

Whats been going on, where to start…taking a deep breath.

Ive had my heart broken, a few times. More than Id like to count. Ive lost many, by that I mean Ive dealt with some deaths both close to me and others that are close to me have lost  loved ones.

Ive stared Death right in the face as a I watched a beautiful soul depart their vessel. A body that was once animated with a pure soul, and that same body turned lifeless. Would you could you believe that it was a dog. A dog that I learnt a lot  from. A dog that we ALL could have learnt a lot from.

To some people, people who have never bonded with another animal, they say “It was just a dog, it was just a pet” clearly have never had a pet. Does not know the bond you share with these furry creatures. I am an animal lover. Always have been.

The puppy was not even my pet. It was my mother-in-laws. The puppies name was Abby. She was a multi-poo. Who came into the family 7 years into her lil life. She lived to be 14. She was blind & diabetic, she had an diabetic seizure which paralyzed her one leg- temporarily. She managed to recover from that. She at one point had been attacked by a mean dog. She survived. She lived through a lot and it never dampened her spirit. She loved her family and loved hanging out at parties. She lived a spoiled life and was loved by all.

I had spent a fair bit of time with her throughout her 7 yrs with the family. Abby was there when we lost our cat Poofy. Poofy was an orange Maine Coon that stole our hearts. He was the most beautiful majestic cat. Poofy and Abby were friends. Poofy passed 4-5 years ago. That was hard for us to deal with.

Guess who was with us at the vet when Poofy took his last breath Abby!! She knew when he died, animals are very intuitive creatures. Abby bowed her head when Poofy’s spirt left. Ill never forget that.

For the last year we knew that Abby was on her last leg so to speak, so I made extra effort to enjoy every moment with her. Id cuddle her even when she smelt bad from peeing & poo’ing herself. I told her what a beautiful pure soul she was and how much I loved her & cherished her. I told her that Poofy was there for her waiting her whenever she was ready to pass over.

I am missing her puppy presence as I type this and tears run down my face.  She had such a personality, she loved chicken and to go for long drives. She was the perfect companion for my mother in law. When she died it was here in the house. And mom was traumatized. She was crying hystarically and carrying her lifeless body around saying “you left me Abby, you left me all alone in this world” fuck that was really hard to witness. That image gave me a nightmare!

That is jus a few things Ive been dealing with. A very close friend of mine just lost her father. Now she is a orphan so to speak as both her parents are gone. How terrible is that. I  know first hand what its like to loose a father. I lost mine 15 years ago. Let me tell you that changed me for better and for worse. A piece of my died that day too. A void that is in my heart still to this day. Time has not mended it. Nor copious amounts of substances.  Believe me I tried everything to try and fill that void. Which eventually became a black hole of oblivion of which I don’t remember for 2 consecutive years. I refer to that period as “the Black period” Anyways enough of that.

Ive also dealt with friendships that have dwindled to nothing. I fucking hate sharing my life stories with people only to have them eventually piss off. I feel like its a waste of my time & energy. I no longer give advice or anything. As most people don’t listen. And my wisdom goes wasted.

Ive come to realize that I am no longer at a “vibrational” match to these people anymore. Honestly friendships are draining for me. Oh well I am on my own yet again. Forging paths that don’t exist. Making my own way, as I don’t fit in any of societal norms. Nothing new there. Its ok, I do well on my own. I prefer it. I am NEVER bored. I am always learning new shit every day. I self teach everything I know.

This year has been epic and only I know to what extent. I have over gone so many metamorphic changes, like the Phoenix rising from ashes. That analogy is a perfect representation of my life. I experience life, birth & death to the full extent of their meanings.

As an empath life has deeper meaning, I feel everything with an overwhelming sense. I can even feel what you feel. If we are in the same room. Over this year I have developed my abilities.  My intuition is like another sense, I am also psychic. I mean jesus i just FEEL too damn much. Sometimes I just know things. I don’t even know how I know. Its like I hear you in the force. Or I get in inkling. My intuition tells me, like a whisper. And its ALWAYS on point.

Despite all life’s adversities, I will never give up. I will never quit. Ill fight till my last breath. I have inner strength that most do not have. I have come this far and I’m not even done yet. I still have a lifetime ahead of me.

God this post is a beast. All this stuff jus poured right out of me. I feel exhausted now. Gonna go chill. Lol honestly thats still not everything that Ive been dealing with. But I jus can’t type no more…

RIP Guys…Picture of Poofy & Abby ❤

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